In order to elicit the illusive walk up audience I have invested in a chalk board to put outside the venue. Instead of bringing walk up it has brought rain, torrential rain on both weeks thus rendering the £50 spent on it completely useless. One because people don't walk around when it's raining and two chalk is not waterproof, in fact it is the opposite of waterproof, there is not a less waterproof substance known to man than chalk. So instead a black board with iledgible writing sat outside advertising nothing to no one. We can't be accused of false advertising.
My mood was not helped when two members of staff both equally awful at regulating their emotions and communicating in a manner befitting of human being and not sentient excrement did not show up for work meaning our team of five was reduced to three. This meant I had to host the show, produce a live stream, operate a camera and manage the door in a sort of post modern vaudeville interpretation of the plate spinning act where audience had to work out what was an act and what was a man doing four jobs at once badly. As i pondered why the worlds most dysfunctional humans keep attaching themselves to the night like barnacles cleaning a whales arsehole I realised I had zoned out for most of the show and we were in the second half .
The loudest round of applause of the evening was when we instigated a giant game of guess who where Rusell picked an audience member and I had to guess who it was. The quietest moment was when an act styling themselves as "Jay The Gay" got on stage and did what I would describe as autism.
A famous comedian was supposed to join us on the post show podcast but as the show was so depressing we wrapped it up early to put us all out of our misery and instead hosted two guests who were police officers, one of who was the aforementioned Jay The Gay whom admitted he'd been to the sex dungeon we used to host the night at and was urinated on there regularly. As the chalk board dripped illegible chalk upstairs and we all imagined Jay the gay dripping in urine downstairs a new low in British show biz history was unlocked.
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